Courgette crumble - best served with an egg.From: Richard
Sent: 13:23
To: Ryan
Subject: RE: B&B
Why howdy there…
Mmm! We had courgette crumble last night and it was delicious. We had it with grilled tomatoes, but wished we’d had a fried egg apiece as well. I would definitely recommend an egg based accompaniment. Also, I found that the quantities in the recipe were designed to feed whey-faced and enfeebled vegetarians. Non hemp trouser wearing folk certainly need bigger portions – I found that two thirds of the amount for four was perfect for two. I also accidentally burnt the onion (only slightly though), but found that this added a delicious extra layer to the flavour.
Hmm… I can’t decide what to have for my lunch…
------------
From: Ryan
Sent: 28 August 2008 13:38
To: Richard
Subject: RE: B&B
Howdy,
Why not treat yourself to a bread cake for lunch? Isn’t that what you eat in the North, but by rights it should be for dinner surely, unless you have turned into a namby-pamby southerner!?
Just went out to Tesco at lunch time and scored a Rat Pack compilation for £1 which is not bad, I expect the sound quality is shocking though.
The Rat Pack thought bread cakes was a funny name too.
------------
From: Richard
Sent: 15:05
To: Ryan
Subject: I'd rather Michael Winner had shat in my open mouth.
Oh God! I wish I had had a breadcake for my dinner…
Instead, I’ve been gastronomically gang-raped by Ronald McDonald and his hamburgling pals. Tempted by the promise of a free coke can shaped glass I foolishly decided to risk a trip to the Golden Arches for my lunch. Remembering how vile their standard menu was I instead opted for their seasonal “specialty”: The Oriental BBQ Beef”. Considering the fact that this oversized limited edition burger cost about as same as the average Chinese Olympic stadium builder’s yearly salary I assumed it would, at the very least, be freshly prepared and still hot. But oh no! What lurked behind the white-toothed grins of the Maccy Ds loving athletes festooned all over the packaging appeared to have been prepared at some point during the Tang Dynasty. Flat cold and sorry in a stale bun the Oriental BBQ Beef was about as enticing as an hour long feltching session with Christine and Neil Hamilton. Upon further inspection I found the pak choi garnish broke down to a kind of dark green mucous when probed with an exploratory digit, and the unnaturally thick cheese slice to have the texture of partially dried Copydex. “But come” I thought to myself, “this is all mere surface detail. Would not the delicious celeriac root be discarded untried if judged by its external livery? Come my boy: tuck in and discover its true nature”.
Would that I had taken issue with my internal voice and mutinously tossed the offending burger through the window of the car, for – before even my teeth had met in the patty’s middle – I discovered that the cover of this particular book was (amazingly) its finest feature. The Oriental BBQ Beef is so utterly and completely repulsive as to induce a kind of self-defensive delirium in the diner. Contorted with revulsion I nearly sprayed the dashboard with half-chewed “food” in my hurry to evict the foul-tasting coprolitic pat of devil-filth from my tortured palate. I could genuinely have derived more gustatory satisfaction from a cold slice of stale toast thickly spread with the fecal matter of a sick dog. The tastebuds of the poor souls that work in the McDonalds test kitchen must have completely burnt away from years and years of salt, sugar and MSG. Whatever you do, do not try this burger.
Yo, I gotto go: my bowels are rebelling against the hostile presence of the BBQ Beef…
His crimes against gastronomy finally caught up with him.
------------
From: Ryan
Sent: 15:11
To: Richard
Subject: RE: I'd rather Michael Winner had shat in my open mouth.
Hilarious!!!
I have made the mistake of ordering off the ‘Summer Menu’ before which I think means that the food has been left out in the summer sun for a week to “enhance” the flavour and texture before serving. I also once got the “Deli Sub” crap, which turned out to be some chicken nuggets in a baguette with too much sauce, and some wilted salad. If you do have to eat at Ronald’s place (who I believe is incidentally being rather quietly phased out as he scares kids and looks like a child molester) there are only two burgers worth having – the cheapest one used to be the 99p double cheeseburger, or a big mac. These are either simple enough to get right, or they have had plenty of practice.
A tasty burger?
------------
From: Richard
Sent: 16:47
To: Ryan
Subject: RE: I'd rather had shat in my open mouth.
There’s nothing even remotely funny about the Oriental BBQ Beef.
I too have tried the Deli Subs (well I tried one) and should really have learnt my lesson there and then about straying from the safety of the Cheesburger / Quarter-Pounder / Big Mac trinity. As I remember it was reminiscent of a fully masticated sauce-slathered happy meal that had been subsequently regurgitated into a sauce sodden bun before more sauce was added to the unholy sauce-soaked mess. Delish!
Michael Winner: A gourmet and a hunk
Sent: 13:23
To: Ryan
Subject: RE: B&B
Why howdy there…
Mmm! We had courgette crumble last night and it was delicious. We had it with grilled tomatoes, but wished we’d had a fried egg apiece as well. I would definitely recommend an egg based accompaniment. Also, I found that the quantities in the recipe were designed to feed whey-faced and enfeebled vegetarians. Non hemp trouser wearing folk certainly need bigger portions – I found that two thirds of the amount for four was perfect for two. I also accidentally burnt the onion (only slightly though), but found that this added a delicious extra layer to the flavour.
Hmm… I can’t decide what to have for my lunch…
------------
From: Ryan
Sent: 28 August 2008 13:38
To: Richard
Subject: RE: B&B
Howdy,
Why not treat yourself to a bread cake for lunch? Isn’t that what you eat in the North, but by rights it should be for dinner surely, unless you have turned into a namby-pamby southerner!?
Just went out to Tesco at lunch time and scored a Rat Pack compilation for £1 which is not bad, I expect the sound quality is shocking though.
The Rat Pack thought bread cakes was a funny name too.------------
From: Richard
Sent: 15:05
To: Ryan
Subject: I'd rather Michael Winner had shat in my open mouth.
Oh God! I wish I had had a breadcake for my dinner…
Instead, I’ve been gastronomically gang-raped by Ronald McDonald and his hamburgling pals. Tempted by the promise of a free coke can shaped glass I foolishly decided to risk a trip to the Golden Arches for my lunch. Remembering how vile their standard menu was I instead opted for their seasonal “specialty”: The Oriental BBQ Beef”. Considering the fact that this oversized limited edition burger cost about as same as the average Chinese Olympic stadium builder’s yearly salary I assumed it would, at the very least, be freshly prepared and still hot. But oh no! What lurked behind the white-toothed grins of the Maccy Ds loving athletes festooned all over the packaging appeared to have been prepared at some point during the Tang Dynasty. Flat cold and sorry in a stale bun the Oriental BBQ Beef was about as enticing as an hour long feltching session with Christine and Neil Hamilton. Upon further inspection I found the pak choi garnish broke down to a kind of dark green mucous when probed with an exploratory digit, and the unnaturally thick cheese slice to have the texture of partially dried Copydex. “But come” I thought to myself, “this is all mere surface detail. Would not the delicious celeriac root be discarded untried if judged by its external livery? Come my boy: tuck in and discover its true nature”.
Would that I had taken issue with my internal voice and mutinously tossed the offending burger through the window of the car, for – before even my teeth had met in the patty’s middle – I discovered that the cover of this particular book was (amazingly) its finest feature. The Oriental BBQ Beef is so utterly and completely repulsive as to induce a kind of self-defensive delirium in the diner. Contorted with revulsion I nearly sprayed the dashboard with half-chewed “food” in my hurry to evict the foul-tasting coprolitic pat of devil-filth from my tortured palate. I could genuinely have derived more gustatory satisfaction from a cold slice of stale toast thickly spread with the fecal matter of a sick dog. The tastebuds of the poor souls that work in the McDonalds test kitchen must have completely burnt away from years and years of salt, sugar and MSG. Whatever you do, do not try this burger.
Yo, I gotto go: my bowels are rebelling against the hostile presence of the BBQ Beef…
His crimes against gastronomy finally caught up with him.------------
From: Ryan
Sent: 15:11
To: Richard
Subject: RE: I'd rather Michael Winner had shat in my open mouth.
Hilarious!!!
I have made the mistake of ordering off the ‘Summer Menu’ before which I think means that the food has been left out in the summer sun for a week to “enhance” the flavour and texture before serving. I also once got the “Deli Sub” crap, which turned out to be some chicken nuggets in a baguette with too much sauce, and some wilted salad. If you do have to eat at Ronald’s place (who I believe is incidentally being rather quietly phased out as he scares kids and looks like a child molester) there are only two burgers worth having – the cheapest one used to be the 99p double cheeseburger, or a big mac. These are either simple enough to get right, or they have had plenty of practice.
A tasty burger?------------
From: Richard
Sent: 16:47
To: Ryan
Subject: RE: I'd rather had shat in my open mouth.
There’s nothing even remotely funny about the Oriental BBQ Beef.
I too have tried the Deli Subs (well I tried one) and should really have learnt my lesson there and then about straying from the safety of the Cheesburger / Quarter-Pounder / Big Mac trinity. As I remember it was reminiscent of a fully masticated sauce-slathered happy meal that had been subsequently regurgitated into a sauce sodden bun before more sauce was added to the unholy sauce-soaked mess. Delish!
Michael Winner: A gourmet and a hunk
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